Life goes where it does

Nothing makes me happier than getting new music.  I just downloaded a bunch of stuff on iTunes, have been checking stuff out of the library and have been making frequent trips to Electric Fetus to fuel my crippling addiction.  I am currently building a "Summer 09" playlist.  So far it includes Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Metric, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Dirty Projectors, Solid Gold and Passion Pit.  Any other suggestions?

I have also been going to a bunch of concerts so far.  Rock the Garden was spectacular, The Roots might have been the best show I've ever been to and I'm going to see the Dead Weather (hell yeah Jack White) in the end of July.  I can also say that I've now seen Whitesnake, although I'm not entirely sure that that is anything to brag about.  Unfortunately, there are more shows that I want to go to that I'm not going to or missed (Silversun Pickups, Bat for Lashes, Fleet Foxes, missed Metric, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Phoenix).

I did just pick up the Daredevil Christopher Wright's first full-length, "In Deference to a Broken Back" and the first time I listened to it I couldn't stop smiling.  I get so possesively proud of my friends - I am just so in awe of and inspired by their capabilities.  The album is great, I know half the names in the liner notes and Justin Vernon's sound collage (although a minor role) still makes me shake my head in disbelief.  I do have to admit I miss being in such close proximity and quarters to such creative and like-minded people.

I am going to Madison tomorrow for a mini-vacation for the weekend and I am really excited.  It will just be nice to be away from work for a little while and to see some new scenery.  I am looking forward to seeing some friends I haven't seen in too long and perhaps just doing some exploring.  I do have to admit that I dropped some decent cash at Target today to buy some new "vacation clothes/accessories", but it was worth it.  Definitely.

Lastly, for those who don't already know, I'm seeing a guy who is the first guy I've been excited about since I can't remember when.  Plus he is best friend approved (a great bonus). 

Thinking about stopping at the Joynt tomorrow on the way to Madison.  Probably an awesome idea.

Oh, man.  Jimmy Fallon cracks me up.  I don't care what anyone has to say, his show makes me laugh so hard because it's so ridiculous and he's so cutely awkward the entire time.  Add yet another celebrity to the long list of celebrities that I am in love with.

Briefly:
- I work a lot
- I am going to go to a bunch of concerts this summer
- I hope to have a sweet internship (or real job) lined up by the fall
- I miss Eau Claire a bunch, but am starting to feel okay about being in Minneapolis (although really missing the "everything's within biking distance" bit... also the "drink extremely cheaply" bit, too)
- I paid off a good chunk of my credit card debt today
- In the last five minutes, my life just got ridiculously more complicated (why do I have to suck so bad at decisions?  Or saying no to things?  DAMN IT TO HELL.)

Okay, seriously, time for bed so I can dream about hosting my own late night TV show... on public access...

I was raised Catholic, which is a better excuse than most as to why I have an extremely guilty conscience.

See, I was the kid in elementary school who, if she didn't finish the lunch her mother so lovingly packed her every day, would take the remainders home and eat them after school.  And I always ate dessert last, not because I wanted to save it but because I felt guilty eating it before my mother intended it to be eaten. 

This overwhelming feeling of guilt disproportionally corresponds to my parents in some way or another - the lunch thing, the fact that I can't part with clothes my mom has bought me no matter how much they've since gone out of style... and now I have iPod guilt.

My father is one of the sweetest, most self-sacrificing, most thoughtful people I have ever encountered.  So, for Christmas 2005, when iPod fever was sweeping the country and I had told my parents that they would not have to buy me anything else for Christmas or my birthday if I got an iPod, I not only got a whole host of Christmas presents (and birthday presents 10 months later) but I got the one thing that I coveted more than anything - a $400, 60GB, brand new video iPod, compliments of Dad.

My new iPod was amazing and I lovingly thought of my father every time I used it.  It was probably the best gift I had ever recieved and I knew that my dad was happy and proud of himself because he had made me happy by giving it to me.  Unfortunately, one of my many defects is that I am rather reckless and careless.  I wear things out and break things much faster than other people, which is why my paperbacks have bent covers, my CD cases are mostly cracked and my brake pads are worn down 50% after only two years.  So after being in an abusive (but loving!) relationship with me for just under three years, my iPod started to die.

At first he just had trouble starting up and switching songs, sometimes making moaning noises to communicate his discomfort.  Then sometimes he wouldn't start up at all and the moaning turned to full out screaming.  Finally, painfully, he would only load artists up to E.  Then B.  Then only halfway through the A's.  And yesterday, he wouldn't load anything at all.  Occasionally out of nowhere, without being provoked, his hard drive would scream the terrified scream of an iPod that knew his time had come.

I had a choice - I could either try to get my beloved iPod repaired, or, for not much more money than the cost of repair, I could get a brand new iPod with twice as much storage space.    After considerable thought and deliberation (no, really, it took me a couple days) I decided it was probably more financially sound to just bite the bullet and shell out for a new iPod.

However, what breaks my heart is that I can't tell my Dad.  He even asked two weeks ago when we were out raking the lawn together how my iPod was holding up, obviously still proud and happy that he had given such a gift.  I lied right through my teeth and said that it was still as great as the day he bought it.  My brother's iPod still is - he doesn't wreck things like I do.

Today I took my final journey with my iPod.  We went to the Apple store to get his replacement.  When I handed him over to Alejandro to be recycled I honestly (extremely sheepishly) got tears in my eyes.  I held him one last time and watched as he got labeled and set aside to go to iPod heaven. 

I have a new iPod now.  He's black - they don't make white iPods like I had anymore.  New iPods are supposed to make you feel happy, but this one feels like an imposter sitting, loading on my desk.  I have to hide him from my parents, maybe even from my brother.  I don't even really want to look at him.

I put him in the microfiber sleeve that came with my old iPod, to cover him up.  Somehow that seemed appropriate, as if it helps blanket my shame and guilt as well.

It's been a while.  A great while. 

I have no internet in my apartment currently because a) I didn't pay my bill on time and b) my contract is up, anyway.  Which means that my internet activity is limited to stealing internet at a university I no longer attend or using it at work where I constantly feel that I can only spend 10 minutes doing completely generic internetings.

The quick, bulleted update on my life is:
- I graduated
- I'm done student teaching
- I work quite a bit, but not enough to pay half the bills to fuel my extravagant lifestyle (or, what WAS my extravagant lifestyle)
- I need more friends in the Chippewa Valley, or I just need to hang out with people that are friends that I never hang out with (make sense?)

Also today I made a very important discovery about myself.  This is what loads of free time will teach you.

So, drop me a line.  Like I said, my days of obsessive blogging and checking of other's blogs are over (temporarily) due to necessity, but hey, I can still afford my cell phone bill.

I thought this was pretty powerful - and good thing to think about as the holidays approach.

I feel the great need to catch my breath.  Life has been pretty ADD lately, what with work and work and student teaching and all the happenings in and of the world.  I feel like I'm sort of floating through life, not in the sense that I'm on cloud nine hovering above it all, but in the sense that everything zips on by and I'm missing out on something.  And I have that hollow sort of feeling, like I'm empty enough to just float away.  I'm not unhappy, I just feel unfulfilled and sort of empty, like I don't really have a reason to get up in the morning.  I also have this need to put the brakes on life (I could use some serious time away) yet also an urge to fast forward to May, where I think (presumably falsely) that I would feel different.

Someone told me not too long ago that my whole being seems to scream transition, in the sense that I am almost visibly waiting for change. 

And so instead of catching, I hold my breath, as it seems the next best option.


And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Enjoy.

Videos we aired the week of September 22. 

Below are the videos Cory and I showed on the first episode of "Untitled" of the semester, subtitled "Good music you might have missed over the summer".  Enjoy!